Journey to Motherhood: My Story

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My husband, Ryan, and I were married on May 24th, 2008. Although i would have loved to have a child right away, a few months prior I had began taking a birth control pill. I truly felt it's what was expected of me. It wasn't normal for couples to get pregnant soon after marriage, especially not young couples like us. (I was 19, Ryan was almost 23) At the time I didn't know how birth control worked, so I began taking them. 
At various times, I questioned if I should be taking birth control. I knew there were possible health risks and side effects with any prescription medications. But I just brushed the feelings off. I thought "Surely doctors wouldn't prescribe birth control if it was bad for me." 
However, in October 2010 the feeling grew. In addition to the health risks, I began to wonder if it was right for me as a Christian to take birth control. I scoured the internet to learn all I could about how birth control really worked and the risks/side effects associated with them. And what I found shocked me! Birth control pills can act as an abiforcient (cause fertilized egg to be aborted) and there were serious risk too! There was NO way I could continue taking birth control knowing this!
About six months later, God gave us the most wonderful blessing. We were pregnant! I excitedly made our first doctors appointment. We joyfully shared the news with our family! I hesitantly started dreaming, making lists of what we'd need before my due date of December 25th arrived. But deep down I had a feeling something was wrong.
I think my body knew from the start that we'd never hold our baby here on this earth. I had that nagging feeling again, this time about having a miscarriage. I prayed so much over those few weeks, every time a worry would arise. 
I had experienced some cramping since before we even discovered I was pregnant. But the nurses assured me it was normal. However, Saturday May 7th when bleeding accompanied the cramping I knew something was definitely wrong.
I rushed to the ER with my sister(Ryan was working). Blood tests showed that my HCG levels were too low for how far along we thought I was. Then came the ultrasound. I hadn't had an ultrasound before that night; one was scheduled for the following Monday. I was a bit relieved when I heard the results, relieved and confused. According to the measurements, my HCG levels were right where they should be. The doctor sent me home on bed rest until my appointment on Monday. 
Sunday was Mother's Day. Instead of spending the day with my family, I spent the day praying that next year I would have a child in my arms. Unfortunate for us, God answered no to those prayers and called our baby home to Heaven.
We grieved the loss of our sweet child. Comfort was sought through songs like Blessed Be The Name and In Christ Alone. The rest of that year was tough for me emotionally. But God used that time to draw me closer to Him and to bring Ryan and I closer together.

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Despite our grieving, I was ready to begin trying for another baby right away. I figured it would only take a few months for us to get pregnant. After all, it only took 5 months for us to get pregnant after I stopped taking the birth control. 
Six long months went by. I did some research online and found that it's "normal" for it to take up to a year for a couple to conceive. I decided to give it six more months, then see a doctor. Unfortunately when that time had passed we didn't have insurance. The doctor would have to wait.
Finally this past February(2013), after 19 long months and 20+ negative pregnancy tests, I was able to go to my new doctor. Dr. Callison ran some blood tests to see if there was a medical reason we hadn't gotten pregnant yet. The results were all normal. Which is good and bad. We don't have a problem to fix. Dr. Callison gave me a prescription for Femara to increase my progesterone and strengthen ovulation. But this too comes with risks of harmful side effects. I've begun to eat healthier and exercise more, trying to find more natural ways to help us conceive. I know that ultimately God will bless us with a child in His time. But I also know that I need to prepare my body for the child. Until we receive that wonderful blessing I will pray for another child and thank God for the one He's already blessed us with. 
I've felt like I should share my story for a while now. But it's hard to write this, to bring up those feelings. Hopefully this will help someone else struggling with infertility. If it helps just one person it will be worth it.

During the next few weeks I will be sharing a few things I've learned on my journey.  Topics will include: How birth control works
Babies are a blessing
Family Planning
Understanding your cycle
Dealing with loss
Finding Joy
Natural health

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